My NBA Economic Stimulas Plan

I think we have all felt the effects of our falling economy. It appears that the NBA is not immune to these turbulent times. Last week they announced the pending layoffs of 80 employees. Not underachieving players, but staffers, or the average Joe's like you and I. Unlike the NFL, where players sacrifice their bodies for short term careers with non-guaranteed contracts, NBA players enjoy guaranteed contracts. These guaranteed contracts usually result in the NBA franchise taking it on the chin as the guaranteed player sleepwalks thru another game, or shows up late to an 11am shoot around. Who can forget Sprewell when he said "Why would I want to help them win a title? They're not doing anything for me. I got my family to feed." This was after the Timberwolves offered him a guaranteed 3 year 30 million dollar deal which he found insulting. Evidently Sprewell was right about going broke, he recently went bankrupt after finding a way to lose the 96 million he earned in his career. Whether its smoking a little weed, fighting in the stands, fathering 13 kids, or disrespecting our national anthem, NBA players have shown us that they are not deserving of 120 million dollar max contracts.

So, my plan to save the jobs of the 80 staffers is simple, the players are going to participate. If the league is indeed struggling, the players and their guaranteed contracts are not. The NBA will pay out 2 Billion in player salaries this year! That's right 2 billion!

My plan is to tax them 1%. For every $100 they earn, they will donate one dollar. Money I would never miss, let alone the average NBA player earning 5.6 million per year. This 1% tax will result in a pool of 20 million to pay the 80 staffers. Assuming the average staffer was making $75,000 per year (probably generous), this will be enough money to pay their salaries for the next 3 years. This will actually create a surplus of 2 million dollars, which I will take for a consulting fee.

So a quick recap, a bunch of underachieving millionaires get taxed 1% for one year. This 1% tax saves the jobs of 80 decent hard-working people for 3 years, by which time I pray our economy is fixed. And lets not forget just how many lives are affected by those 80 firings, there are spouses and children that suffer.

I'm all in, what do you think? Anyone have David Stern's number?

I'm Fatpickle and I approve this message.

Cheers and Hail!