Tuesday, December 30, 2008

NFL 2008 Recap

Fatpickle's 2008 NFL Awards

Coach of the year - Mike Smith - Atlanta Falcons

He gets the nod over another rookie head coach, Tony Sparano. Smith did it with a rookie starting at QB and a team that was still reeling from the Michael Vick fiasco.

Honorable Mention - Sparano, Jeff Fisher

MVP - Chad Pennington - Miami Dolphins

He led his team to the biggest turnaround in the history of the NFL, and he wasn't with them till the beginning of training camp. More on Pennington later.

Honorable Mention - Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson,

Rookie of the Year - Matt Ryan - Atlanta Falcons

A starter from day 1 he led his team to 11 wins and a playoff victory. Chris Johnson was a difference maker, but Ryan was a leader.
Honorable Mention - Johnson, Slaton


Pennington - He truly was standing on top of the world Sunday night. He beats the team who cut him after playing his heart out for them for 8 seasons. He beats the man whom they casted him aside for. He beats them in NY. And he did it with class.

Rookie QB's -Ryan and Flacco played admirably and have their teams in the playoffs.

Rookie Head Coaches - Smith, Ryan, and Harbaugh led their teams to the playoffs. Zorn was 8-8.

Matt Cassel - After 7 seasons of zero playing time (college and pros) he steps right into Brady's shoes and wears them well. A huge payday awaits.

Antonio Bryant - Off the scrap heap he delivers a career season, a huge payday awaits. BUYER BEWARE

Bill Cowher - He might be the first NFL coach to make 10 million a year.


Team collapses - Broncos, Jets, Bucs, Cowboys, and Redskins. All of these teams had the playoffs in their hands before fumbling them away.

Brett Favre - He totally alienated himself from his fans in Green Bay to come back and lead the NFL in interceptions. Oh yeah, he got his Coach fired.

Al Davis - Hand over the keys.

Ocho Cinco - Is this Spanish for "I suck?" His stats look like a second string TE's.

Mike Martz - Fired for the 3rd time in 3 years. How do you say pompass ass in Spanish?

Cheers and Hail

Monday, December 29, 2008

The NFL - That's The End Of The 4th Quarter

Coming this week to Fatpickled:

Tuesday - NFL 2008 Recap

Wednesday - Redskin's 2008 Report Card

Thursday - 2009 Athletes and Professional Teams Resolutions

Friday - NFL Playoff Predictions For Week 1

Saturday - 6 Degrees Of Fatpickled

Today, let's take a look out how I fared in my halftime NFL playoff picks.

NFC My pick Week 8 Actual

#1 Giants Giants

#2 Panthers Panthers

#3 Cards Vikings

#4 Vikings Cards

#5 Skins Falcons

#6 Eagles Eagles

NOT BAD, 5 out of 6 right (The one I missed stings a little)

AFC My pick Week 8 Actual

#1 Titans Titans

#2 Patriots Steelers

#3 Steelers Dolphins

#4 Ravens Chargers

#5 Colts Colts

#6 Jets Ravens

NOT BAD, 3 out of 6 right, but could have been 6 for 6 if things had turned out differently Sunday.

Cheers and Hail

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Wizards Aren't The Worst Team Ever

In a match up pitting 2 teams with the worst records ever to meet each other, the Wizards came away with a win. This brings the Wiz's season record to 5-23, last in the Eastern Conference. Amazingly, they are only 7.5 games out of the final playoff spot. If they can play well enough until Gilbert Arena's comes back, who knows, Playoffs? I don't think so. My advice would be to bring back Arenas very slowly and start playing for ping-pong balls.
While we ponder how things got so bad, so fast, here are some highlights of the good old days.

Cheers and Hail

Monday, December 22, 2008

If My Aunt Had Nuts...She'd Be My Uncle

The Redskins would be in the Playoffs if...

If the Skins win @ home against a St. Louis team that won 2 games all year.

If Josh Brown misses the 49 yard FG.

If we had a punter all year long like the one we had the last few weeks.

If we didn't have a Kicker like the one we had the last few weeks.

If the Skins beat a Cincy team that won 3 games all year.

If it didn't take 15 games to figure out how to use Jason Taylor.

If it didn't take 15 games for Randle El to take his first step forward after fielding a punt, instead of left or right or backwards.

If the Skins could have capitalized on turnovers and scored in the redzone against the Steelers or Cowboys.

If every set of downs on Offense didn't go like this:

1rst down - 3 yard out to Cooley

2nd down - run with Portis

3rd down - slant to Moss

If we give the ball to Portis against Cincy on 1rst and goal, or 2nd, or 3rd.

If any of our first 3 draft picks of 2008 would have produced on the field.




I could go on and on, but whats the point? The bottom line is this, the NFC East is the best Division in the NFL and there is a fine line between a 10-6 record or a 6-10 record. Normally the difference is just a few plays over the course of a 16 week season. The fact is the Skins just didn't make those plays.

So where do we go from here? Well, the off season starts soon that is normally filled with lots of drama and new found hope. I for one love my team more than ever and will be ready to ride the emotional roller coaster again next season.

Besides we are going to win the Super Bowl next year, if ......

Cheers and Hail

Friday, December 19, 2008

Will The O's Land Teixeira?

This is my take on the whole Teixeira sweepstakes, probably way wrong but here is what I think is going on. Obviously smokescreens are being set everywhere. We don't know exactly who has a serious offer on the table or who is in, who is out? Are the Red Sox really out, or are they just working Boras? Are the Yankees going to come to the table with ridiculous money? Does he play near his home in MD, but not for the O's but for the Nationals? Does he stay with the Angels?

No, I think he signs with the Orioles. When the Orioles made an initial offer to Boras to show they are in the ballgame, that was all I needed to see. I believe that the Orioles will have the right to match any offer. I think Boras is out trying to get a $200 million dollar contract for Tex, because it's his job, but ultimately he will not get the $200 million. He will probably get the 8 year $185 million that is being reported in the press. I believe Teixeira will then ask him to see if the Orioles will match it, because Baltimore is where he wants to be. Baltimore probably will not match it however, they will probably offer around 1-1.5 million less per year. At this point Tex will have to decide if wants to play for Baltimore at a "hometown discount," or play for Boston. Whats 21 million per compared to 22 million? He chooses Baltimore (it may take an opt-out clause after 3 years, based on how competitive the Orioles are.)

The Orioles then need to sign Nick Markakis to a 6 year 75 million contract to lock him up. Committing $250 million dollars is a lot, but you'll be set for the future. Tex, Markakis, Matt Weiters, and Adam Jones form an awesome nucleus to build around.
Here is a tentative lineup for 2009.
1 - Roberts .297-9-57 40SB 107R
2 - Jones .290 -9-57
3 - Markakis .306 -20-87
4 - Teixeira .308 -33-121
5 - Huff .304-32-108
6 - Mora .285-23-104
7 - Weiters .355-27-91 (minors)
8 - Scott .257-23-65
9 - Izturis .263-1-24 24SB

That lineup will hang with anyone, now the pitching on the other hand......
I'm anxious to see how it turns out, I feel strongly that I am right on this. We should know by Christmas.

Cheers and Hail

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Slinging Sammy R.I.P.

Well I've probably seen 1,000 articles about Sammy Baugh's death today, here is 1,001. Rather than write another article about his death, I'm just going to list some of accomplishments and interesting facts.

Played 16 seasons for the Skins, taking them to 5 Championships and 2 Titles.

Even though he has not played in 57 seasons, he was recently voted as the greatest Redskin's QB in history!

187 Passing TD's still a Redskins record.

Charter member of the NFL Hall of Fame, and fittingly the last living member from the inaugral year.

Didn't just go both ways, he played all 3 ways and led the League in Passing, Punting, and Interceptions in 1943.

Refused to leave practice until he completed 100 straight passes!

Liked to spit tobacco and cuss.

Played his entire career without a facemask!

His #33 is the only jersey retired by the Redskins.

Warren Buffett wrote him a letter telling him what an inspiration he was!

Once threw 4 TD's and intercepted 4 passes in the same game!

Spent $200 on a 7,600 acre farm (now 20,000 acres.)

Voted by the NFL Network as the Most Versatile Player in NFL history.
Cheers and Hail

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Just Another Sunday Night

Mrs. Pickle's Diary
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset? He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep-I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Fatpickle's Diary

Today the Redskins lost, but at least I got laid.
Cheers and Hail

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Look It's Billy Bob Thornton

Sam Bradford

Ba Ba Booey

Kenny Chesney
Sean Payton

Cheers and Hail

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Oohhh Mmaaannnn!!!!!

This is Corey Hill from UFC Fight Night 16. He's got one hell of a leg on him. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach, nor look at the picture below. Cheers and Hail

Mr. Snyder, Your Steak Is Ready

I said "keep it medium!"

It seems as though Jim Zorn might be cooking himself right out of a job. Mr. Snyder likes his steak "medium" and Zorn right now is "medium well." If Zorn doesn't win out, he may just be "well-done."
Just 5 weeks ago everything was good. Zorn was just perfect. A coach of the year candidate, the West Coast offense was clicking, and Portis was the league's MVP. Zorn was riding bikes around DC with the President. Since then the Skins have gone 1-4 (including 0-3 at home), and the Offense has disappeared, averaging a mere 10 pts per game. Having a public spat with said MVP candidate was not a good thing. If Zorn was not happy with Portis and his practice participation, it should have been handled in the 40 hours a week they spend together at Redskins Park. It should not have played out on the field of a "must win" game on national TV. Zorn loves to get in front of the media and talk too much about things that should be kept in the locker room, he seems to pride himself on his communication. Is he not communicating like this in the locker room with his players?
Now word is circulating that Zorn needs to win out to save his job. I'm pretty sure that if Mr. Snyder's steak leaves a bad taste in his mouth, he's going to send it back. So we'll have to wait and see if Zorn and Bush ride off into the sunset together.

Maybe do some fishing.

The truth is I hope Zorn is the coach of the Redskins next season (even though I am less than pleased right now). If Zorn is the coach next season, it will have meant the Skins made the Playoffs this year. This is my hope. I'm still medium.

Cheers and Hail

Monday, December 8, 2008

Once You Get Past The Smell You Got It Licked


The Wonderlic Personnel Test is a twelve-minute, fifty-question intelligence test used to assess the aptitude of prospective employees for learning and problem-solving in a wide range of occupations. That definition came from Wikipedia. The Wonderlic is also known as a test that every prospective NFL player takes at the NFL Combine. Some teams take a lot of stock into the scores, others do not. One thing is for sure, if you score low on the test it will stick with you forever. I thought it would be cool to match up the "smarter" players against the "dumber" players. There are rules to this game and other important info to consider:

#1 In order to be selected to the "Smart Asses" a score of 25+ is required.

#2 In order to be selected to the "Dumb Asses" a score of 15- is required.

#3 A score of 10 is considered the "Dexter Line." 10 is considered literate.

#4 A score of 20 is considered a 100 IQ = the average person.

#5 Don't forget about book smarts, or in this case football smarts.

#6 The average score for the position will appear after the position abbreviation.

#7 I have done my very best to research the scores, however I cannot verify that they are 100% accurate.

#9 Active Players only, Defense will come another day.

Smart Asses

QB(24) E. Manning 39, Romo 37, A. Rodgers 35

RB(16) M. Turner 35, S. Jackson 28, R. Grant 26

WR(17) V. Jackson 33, L. Evans 27, B. Edwards 27

TE(22) B Watson 41, H. Miller 39,Cooley 32

Dumb Asses

QB Mcnabb 14, Garrard 14, V. Young 15

RB Gore 6, K. Jones 15

WR C. Henry 9, Manningham 6

TE Winslow 12, Troupe 15

The Smart Asses are coached by Max Cady. They can out learn you, out read you, out think you, and out philosophy you.

Cheers and Hail

The Six Degrees Of Fatpickled

Every Monday I will post 6 links to things I find entertaining. Here's what I've been looking at today.

Here's a reason to eat organic foods (If the little man doesn't reach his full potential we can blame it on sausage and velveeta)

This is a must every Monday Morning (Peter King finds a way to piss me off every week, but it's also insightful and entertaining)

Cheers and Hail!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Fantasy Thoughts Of The Week (that don't include Audrina Patridge)


It's playoff time in Fantasy Football land, and hopefully your team is in the playoffs. I've made the playoffs in all of my leagues, but I'm not feeling too confident. Bad decisions and bad trades have doomed the Fatpickles and the 22 Swinging Dicks.
This is the time of year where you have really great Sundays, or really shitty ones. I mean it really sucks if the team you root for and your fantasy team get knocked out of the playoffs on the same day. I sure hope that doesn't happen, it's a double whammy! And if you are a gambler and have a bad day on top of this, oh man! You'll be in the dumps till Christmas. But I am forever an optimist and I hope everyone reading this is a winner come Sunday!
My Studs this week are all guys that were on my team, but I traded them away. I cannot believe how bad these trades have become (for me). I'm hoping by labeling them Studs they will actually become Duds this weekend!
Aaron Rodgers - I traded Rodgers for Jay Cutler several weeks ago. Cutler has been good, but Rodgers has been better.
Shaun Hill - I traded Shaun Hill for Brady Quinn. I wanted Quinn (a backup at the time) forgetting the fact that Hill was a starter for a Mike Martz's Offense. Quinn is out for the year!
D'Angelo Williams - I traded Williams for Joseph Addai. At the time Williams was in a time share with Stewart, since the trade he is the #1 RB in Fantasy Football! Addai hasn't done much and hurt himself again in practice this week, he's questionable for Sunday!
Marques Colston - I traded Colston for Vincent Jackson. After drafting Colston in the 4th round, he missed 6 weeks with a broken finger. I traded him and he is now playing like a top tier WR. Oh yeah, I didn't start Jackson Thursday Night! 5rec/148yds/59yd TD
Chad Johnson - I traded him for Derek Anderson. Johnson hasn't done much, but Anderson immediately lost his job and when he regained it, he blew out his knee. He is out for the year.
Oh well, if I lose I'll have more time to work on my sales technique!

Cheers and Hail

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hall Of Shame

I'm Livin the dream, how can I f**k it up?

Plaxico Burress is the latest in a long line of professional athletes who have found a way to "ruin a wet dream." Many athletes have squandered their fame and fortune, and they have found many different ways to do so. I have compiled my own little Hall of Shame, complete with categories documenting their downfall.

I do have to admit that I am guilty of some of these. When I go out I hit the ATM and get plenty of cash, usually my fast cash option of 60 bucks. Because when I'm out at my local pub, I may want to make it rain while I'm eating my corned beef sandwich. And I usually bring my numchucks in case someone starts hassling me while I'm playing Golden Tee.

My Hall of Shame Team,
I want to use my signing bonus or last 50 grand I have in the bank to make a drug deal club:
Travis Henry - After screwing up a 5 year/22.5 mil deal with the Broncos, Henry decided to become "the ruthless money guy in a cocaine trafficking ring."
Jamal Lewis - In the prime of his career he decided to help a few buddies work up a drug deal, causing him to lose millions and spend some time in the clink.
Nate Newton - I love this story. 5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs!
Timmy Smith - After rushing for 204 yds in Super Bowl XXII against the Broncos, Timmy retired to Denver. I'm not sure if he knows Travis Henry, but they both live in the Denver area and deal cocaine.
I don't deal drugs, I abuse them club:
Dwight Gooden - Suspended multiple times as coke and alcohol derailed a potential HOF career.
Darryl Strawberry - see Dwight Gooden above.
Dexter Manley - One of the greatest DE's ever, he could never stay away from the crack, and was banned from the NFL.
Travis Henry - Suspended by the NFL multiple times for using drugs and yes he also deals them!
I made millions in my career but spent millions more club:
Evander Holyfield - Still boxing after making 250 million, creditors are lined up!
Mike Tyson - How much money does Don King have?
Travis Henry - "He doesn't have any money. The guy has significant financial issues." A quote from Henry's lawyer.
This club is the bomb, I think I'm gonna bust a cap up in this bitch club:
Tank Johnson -Had enough guns and ammo at his house to film Die Hard 5.
Plaxico Burress - I play for the Giants and I'm going to a club in Manhattan. I'm worried that people might not know who I am, so how can I draw attention to myself? I know, I'll wear a couple hundred grand worth of jewelery and bring thousands of dollars in cash. I better bring a gun.
Maurice Clarett - After getting "his goose on" with the Broncos, Clarett was arrested for armed burglary and had 5 loaded weapons in his car. And a bottle of Grey Goose.
Smack my bitch up club:
Mike Tyson - arrested for rape
Lawrence Phillips - do not date this man
Riddick Bowe - kidnapped wife and kids
The degenerate drunk gambler club (also known as the white man's club):
Art Schlichter - has lied, cheated, and stole his entire life due to his addiction to gambling.
John Daly - has never found a bar, casino, or Hooters that he hasn't liked. Claims to have lost at least 50 million gambling!
Denny Mclain - The last MLB pitcher to win 30 games, he has all kinds of issues like drug trafficking, embezzlement, and racketeering.
Pete Rose - So he had a gambling problem, this is Charlie Hustle, he deserves to be in the Hall!
The I'm gonna pull out this time club:
Evander Holyfield - 11 childen
Travis Henry - 9 children by 9 different women, by the age of 28!
Shawn Kemp - 7 children by 6 women
There are many more categories, and many, many more dumb asses who have flushed it all away. But can we find a better face for our Hall of Shame than this guy?

I'm not only a member, I'm also the President.

Cheers and Hail

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Fatpickle? Really?

So as my family, friends, and strangers visit this blog the question is "Fatpickle?" Who or what is Fatpickle? I'm going to try to explain in this post.First of all I'd like to continue to let the legend grow, but it doesn't pertain to a part of my anatomy. No, if that was the case the blog would be titled Averagepickle (Rebecca this is where you post a message saying that I am being modest, and that I am HUGE!).
I had a friend named Brian in college that would always say "that's fat like a pickle". I enjoyed the saying and used it often. Somehow it got shortened to fatpickle, and one day I filled out an office pool and put Fatpickle down as my name. At the time, Porkboy46 (aka Fulltip) and I were roommates in Baltimore, working for this guy. I soon became "Uncle Pickle" to Porkboy's wonderful daughter. From this point it snowballed. My fantasy football team is Fatpickles.
Fatpickle receives mail. He gets store catalogs, applications for credit, and has been a loyal subscriber to Sports Illustrated since the mid 90's. Fatpickle also gets phone calls from telemarketers. Example phone call:

"Hello is this Mr......Pickle?"

"Uh, giggle..Mr. Pickle...giggle.. I am calling you today to tell you...blah, blah, blah"

Fatpickle has been around 13 years now, I'm not even sure if I am talking about myself in the 3rd person?
Maybe Fatpickle can be my Randall Stevens, start applying for those lines of credit. Get that nest egg together and Mrs. Pickle and I will head to Zihuatanejo. I understand Fatpickle is a man who knows how to get things.

Cheers and Hail!