Monday, August 31, 2009

9/1 Happy Bday Clinton Portis

Happy birthday Clinton Portis. How can you not love Clinton Portis? Have you watched the way the guy plays the game? He put on 20 lbs to run between the tackles for Gibbs. He blows up any and all blitzing defenders…linebackers and d-linemen included. He plays hurt. Clinton is the key to the Redskins offense, as noted by the Skins 21-4 record when he rushes for 100+ yards. He was obtained from the Broncos on March 4, 2004 (my 30th birthday.) The first time he touched the ball in a Redskins uniform he took it 64 yards to the house. It was Gibbs first game back in DC and I jumped up and down and just knew we were going to the Super Bowl. 5 years later…Clinton is entering the age where the naysayers claim that a running back’s best days are behind them. I’m not buying it with C.P. Last year he rushed for 1,487 yards and had 5 straight games of 120+ rushing yards. Entering the 2009 season, he’s about 800 yards away from breaking 10,000 for his career and 1,300 from becoming the Redskins all-time leading rusher. Clinton has 7,331 total yards and 45 TD’s in his 5 seasons with the Redskins (really 4.5 due to injury in 2006.) The bottom line is Clinton is a few more productive years away from being a Hall of Famer and the Redskins greatest running back ever. Happy 28th (a young 28) Mr. Portis.

You can't stop the little can only hope to contain him!

Cheers and Hail

8/31 Happy Birthday Frank Robinson

Happy birthday Frank Robinson. Frank was traded to the Orioles prior to the 1966 season in exchange for Milt Pappas, a trade recognized as the most lopsided in baseball history (queue opening credits to Bull Durham.) Frank paid immediate dividends as he hit for the Triple Crown (.316-49-122) and won the MVP as the Orioles swept the Dodgers in the World Series. Frank’s Hall of Fame career included 2 MVP’s, one in both the AL and NL; he is the only player to win it in each league. Frank still ranks in top 10 all-time in many offensive categories and there is no question that he did it without the aid performance enhancers. He became the first black manager in MLB history in 1975 with the Indians. He later won AL Manager of the year with the Orioles in 1989…the year the “why not” Orioles played for the AL East title into the seasons final weekend. Frank has won over 1,000 games as a manager league manager. Frank now works in MLB’s front office. Happy 74th Mr. Robinson!

Happy birthday Brian Davis. Brian played for the Redskins from 1987-1990, appearing in 38 games. Brian was a 2nd round pick out of Nebraska and played mostly on special teams and nickel situations. His best year came in 1989 when he intercepted 4 passes and had 59 tackles. Brian has a Super Bowl ring from the 87’ season. Happy 46th Mr. Davis.
Cheers and Hail

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Aug 29/30: Happy Birthday Tre' Johnson & Doug Decinces

Happy birthday Tre’ Johnson. Tre’ played 8 seasons for the Skins from 1994-2002. A 2nd round pick out of Temple, Tre’ appeared in 90 games for DC. Tre’ was not only the Redskins most reliable O-lineman in the 90’s…but also the largest at 6’2” 330 lbs. Despite his size Tre’ was very quick and agile and excelled on pulling plays. Tre’ also was the master of the “pancake” block, in which his opponent ended up on his backside. Tre’ made the Pro Bowl in 99’ as the Redskins won the NFC East and made the playoffs. In retirement Tre’ became a teacher at the Landon School in Maryland. Happy 38th Mr. Johnson.

Happy birthday Doug Decinces. Doug played 9 seasons with the Orioles from 1973-1981. He took over 3rd base for Brooks Robinson in 1976 and manned the position until a young kid named Cal Ripken Jr. relieved him in 1982. Doug was one of Cal’s idols growing up. A walk off homerun Doug hit in 1979 led to the slogan “orioles magic.” During his tenure as a starting 3rd baseman for the O’s, Doug averaged 17 HR’s and 66RBI’s. Doug was traded to the Angels before the 1982 season for “Disco” Dan Ford. Doug was inducted into the Orioles Hall of Fame in 2006. Doug retired after the 1987 season (his 15th) with 1,505 hits, 237 HR’s and 879 RBI’s. In retirement Doug started Decinces Properties, a real estate property firm in his native California. Happy 59th Mr. Decinces!

Cheers and Hail

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kickin It With Nick Novak

Nick Novak has kicked for 2 of my favorite teams of all-time, the Terps and Skins. While at Maryland he won many games with his trusty right toe and graduated as the all-time leading scorer in ACC history. He also won the Jim Tatum award, given annually to the ACC's top student athlete. While he only played 13 games over 2 seasons in DC, he kicked 3 game winning field goals. His game winner against Dallas is one of the most memorable moments I have witnessed in my 30 years of rooting for the Skins. Nick was nice enough to grant me this interview in between tryouts for the Bengals and Lions. He has an awesome website you can visit here. Thanks again for the interview Nick.

FP: You were an All-State soccer player at Albemarle High School in Charlottesville, VA. What made you want to try out for the football team as a kicker?

NN: My earth science teacher Rick Vrhovac, he must of spent a semester convincing me that I could kick for the team. Coach V is now the assistant principle at Albemarle High School. Their starting kicker I believe was moving somewhere, so they needed a replacement for the next season. I promised Coach V that I would come out my sophomore year and give it a try. The rest is history. The summer before my first season, my family took a three week vacation to San Diego. During that time I spent the entire time learning my first kicking technique, which has since evolved into a much more efficient swing. Coach V and I have stayed in touch and I have always reminded him of how thankful I am for having his influence in my life. He is a great teacher and leader for young men.

FP: You graduated from Maryland as the all time leading scorer in ACC history, quite an accomplishment. What are your fondest memories of your time at College Park?

NN: Besides all the great riots we had after beating and sometimes losing to Duke...Thursday night on prime time, down in Georgia, I was faced with my first game tying and game winning field goal opportunity and was successful on both. That entire season was a great memory and having the chance to play in the orange bowl my first year playing college football was the ultimate reward for an almost perfect season. Ill never forget the fans after that 2001 season. Before we headed down to Florida for the bowl game the University held a pep-rally to send us off. Cole Field house was packed and the team was gathered on the basketball court getting acknowledged for our bowl bid. As they were chanting and screaming they started saying "We Want Novak." I was pretty shy back then so I was trying to hide in the middle of the pack, that didn't work for long...before I knew it my teammates pushed me out on center court. I was out there listening to this chant and taking it all in, I was overwhelmed the fans were amazing. I'll never forget that moment and all the support they gave me during my time at Maryland. Other memories the NC State kick down at their place and the NC State kick at our place...preventing Phillip Rivers from ever winning a game against Maryland during his 4 years! I was blessed to have a great snapper John Condo and holders Brooks Branard and Adam Podlesh . The teams we had were tough blue collar guys, many of which are still playing in the league.

FP: You had 2 memorable game winning kicks during your tenure with the Skins. The first came against the Seahawks and was dedicated to your friend Annie. Tell us about the kick and your friend.

NN: My first NFL game and I get to kick a game winner in overtime and at the same time my neighbor Annie was fighting to defeat an entirely different opponent...breast and ovarian cancer. She was fighting for her life and I knew she was listening to the game at the hospital. I felt her all around me and wanted to make that kick for her and my teammates at the time. I was very emotional when I spoke of her after the game cause I wanted to tell the world what a strong, courageous woman she was and what she was forced to fight her entire adult life. It was very important for me to use the platform that was given to me that day. To bring more attention to a terrible disease and to dedicate the kick to Annie after the game on the middle of the field and in the press conference in the locker room. I was thinking about all this before the kick. I knew I was going to make it...I didn't have a doubt in my mind. However I didn't think I was going to have to make it twice!

FP: Your 2nd game winner came against the rival Cowboys in one of the craziest finishes in the history of football. In the span of 35 seconds you missed a 49 yarder that would have won it, and then hit the game winner from 47 yards away with no time left on the clock. Sandwiched in between was a blocked Cowboy field goal and an amazing return by the late Sean Taylor. Tell us about those last 35 seconds from your perspective.

NN: That was a crazy game! Cooley’s great catch in the endzone to tie the game and Troy Vincent blocking Mike’s kick. Sean was amazing, he picked that ball up ran it back and thank the Lord for that guy who committed the face mask penalty on Sean preventing the game from ending at regulation and getting us into field goal range as a result. There wasn't anyone in the world that day that wanted to make that kick more then me...I remember praying for a second chance. I was praying while Mike was getting ready to line up for his kick. I couldn't watch, I heard the second thump and and the fans going crazy, I looked up and ran to the kicking net. I remember the fans near my net, talking to me giving their support. I didn’t have time to think just react, so I ran out there and kicked it. One of the greatest wins I have ever been apart of especially doing it against the cowboys as a Redskin.

FP: A kickers next gig is always a phone call away, are you prepared to return to the NFL if that call comes?

NN: I had a workout in Cincy last Thursday and one today in Detroit. I went 22 for 22in Field Goals. I'm ready to play. I've made many changes to my swing and feel like an entirely new kicker. This entire offseason I dedicated to kicking like a pro, which means having a smooth consistent technique, it has to look effortless. I have always been optimistic no matter what happens, attitude is everything in the game of football and in the game of life. I stick to a schedule even when I'm not on a team. Usually what happens during the season is teams will call on Monday and fly you in for a Tuesday workout. I have to make sure I'm ready to compete every Tuesday. I workout, kick and do all the physical prep from Wednesday to Saturday. I have always been intrinsically motivated, I love the grind of it all. In my spare time I work part time at Athletic Republic in Annapolis as an athletic performance and kicking coach. I believe God has a plan for me, as long as I keep fulfilling my end of the deal, I think great things are yet to come. I have been tremendously blessed thus far on and off the field.

Cheers and Hail

8/27 Happy Birthday Ladell Betts

Happy birthday Ladell Betts. Hard to believe but Ladell is entering his 8th season in the NFL and his 8th season with the Skins. He was drafted in the 2nd round of the 2002 draft and has appeared in 93 games in DC. His best season came in 2006 when he rushed for 1,154 yards and added another 445 receiving while subbing for an injured Clinton Portis. For his career Ladell has 6,325 yards from scrimmage and 15 TD’s. His role will be expanding this year as he takes the 3rd down role from a healthy Portis. He’s an integral part of our team year in and year out and always steps up and plays whatever role he is called upon. Happy 30th Mr. Betts.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hate Mail

Some crazy person emailed me this picture…with threats of also having her father streak naked thru Fed Ex field…some serious and scary shit I’m dealing with. Look, if you see someone driving around VA with this tag approach with caution…the driver may appear cute and harmless but is obviously mentally challenged. This is what happens when you are raised by a Mongoloid. I do have to give props…it’s very clever. Now all you Dallas fans should rush out and get a tag that really personifies the 2009 Cowboys. I recommend:


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Aug 24/25 Happy Bday Cal Ripken And Albert Belle

Happy birthday Cal Ripken. What more can I say about Cal? He’s my all-time favorite athlete in any sport. What more can you say about his stats? He’s a 19 time, yes… 19 time All-Star selection. One of only 8 players to have 300+ HR’s and 3000+ hits. 82 ROY, 2 time MVP and Hall of famer. Simply the greatest shortstop of all-time. In retirement Cal has been very busy. He (along with brother Bill) has started many business ventures under the Ripken Baseball umbrella. Minor league teams, books, memorabilia, public speaker, commercial endorser and more. His vision of growing baseball at the grass roots level has blossomed into hundreds of thousands of children learning to baseball “The Ripken Way.” Happy 49th Mr. Ripken.

Happy birthday Albert (Joey) Belle. Albert signed a 5yr-$65 million contract with the Orioles prior to the 1999 season. I remember him hitting an opposite field home run at Camden Yards in the opening game that season…I turned to Porkboy and said “he’s gonna hit 162 this year!” Ooops. Albert was on the Orioles payroll from 1999-2003, although he only was active in the 99-00 seasons. During his 2 seasons with the O’s Albert hit 60 dongs and drove in 220, so that was a little over $1 million per homerun. Albert developed an arthritic hip that cut his career with the Orioles short. He is one of only 5 MLB players (Ruth, Foxx, Gehrig & Pujols) to hit 30+ HR’s and drive in 100+ in 8 consecutive seasons. In retirement Albert got big as a house and started stalking escorts. Happy 43rd Mr. Belle.

Cheers and Hail

Hokie30sgirl: Michael Vick...It's Not All Bad Newz

Fatpickle's Note: Please welcome Hokie30sgirl to the website. She is an avid Redskins and Virginia Tech fan who is rumored to look like you get the picture, she's hot! And I speak to her on behalf of everyone who reads this...we're gonna need more details on the not signing the SI thing. Welcome Hokie30sgirl:

Go SKINS, War Eagle...

Oh, wait, is that the wrong cheer? GO EAGLES! Who says a SAHM (stay at home mommy for those of you that don't know) can't have an opinion about football? Let me first say that I’ve always been a lifelong Redskins fan. I remember being in the 3rd grade and giving an "I have a dream" speech about how I wanted to be the first female wide receiver in the NFL~ just like my idol, Art Monk. I would spend my afternoons at Redskins Park chasing down autographs with my brother...Gary Clark, Ricky Sanders, Monte Coleman, Dave Butz, Joe Jacoby, Russ Grimm and Dexter Manley! Oh stop me… I'll get carried away- I was in love! And I’ll never forget when sportscaster Frank Herzog looked at my younger brother and said he didn't have enough time to sign his shirt- WTF… the nerve! So, long story short, I lived and breathed Hog football. I still love the skins- even if I am married to a Cowboys fan... And, yes, I admit to teaching my four-year-old son to cheer, "Boo Tony Homo."

With that being said, this season, I will also proudly cheer for another team... the Philadelphia Eagles. Being a Virginia Tech alumnus, I’ve always been a fan of Michael Vick. I remember watching him at Tech and he truly brought magic to the field with all his talent. I will be the first to admit that the man has made mistakes- BIG mistakes. My best friend just chewed me out when I said I was writing this post- something about how could I dare support a dog killer whose brother is a rapist and how the NFL should be called Thugville since they glamorize men that get away with murder... yada, yada, yada. I'm so sick of the media bashing Vick. I've heard it all, but I, for one, am so glad that the NFL is giving Vick a second chance. Whether or not he is going to take it seriously is yet to be determined, but I really feel he couldn't have found a better place. I'm hoping that McNabb can be a role model for him and that Tony Dungy and Coach Reid can help guide Vick into not only being a great football player, but a positive influence off the field as well.

I watched the Eagles press conference and there isn't a coach out there with more class than Dungy. He sincerely spoke about his work with inmates and helping them re-enter society. He also spoke about Christian forgiveness. If this came from anyone else, I'd say it was scripted and a bunch of crap, but it was truly sincere from him. I know that Vick has made some huge mistakes in his life. Hellooooo- when you hook up with a girl and then afterwards refuse to sign her Sports Illustrated and just jet (no, mom, it wasn't me), I wouldn't say you have the best of intentions!

But let's be real, he's going to be in the news regardless if he’s able to play in the NFL or not. Would I rather see articles about how Vick is in foreclosure and in more trouble with the law, or would I rather see him turn into a success and overcome his past? As a mother, I would choose the later, and if he uses his talent from here on out wisely, I would even call him as a role model for kids. Everyone makes mistakes, and if second chances aren't given, then this is a shallow world. What's done is done; so I hope he makes the best of this chance... so please Mike, make me, and the rest of the Hokie Nation proud. And while I'm begging... Please Skins have a good season. We bought season tickets this year... and right now we're losing our a$$~ and this sahm's budget can't take that!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

8/23 Happy Bday Sonny Jurgensen & Mike Boddicker

Happy birthday Sonny Jurgensen. Sonny is a Hall of Famer and an icon for all Skins fans. His legendary arm (which could launch a football 80 yards) won 3 NFL passing titles and threw for over 32,000 yards in his career. Vince Lombardi has been quoted as saying Sonny was the best QB he ever saw…what more is there to say than that? An all-around athlete, he played basketball, baseball and football in high school and played both ways (defensive back) in college. Starting in 1981, Sonny began calling games with Sam Huff and Frank Herzog (later Larry Michael.) How many of you would/do turn down your TV’s to listen to the radio show? Their voices take us back to the good old days…and Sonny just turned 75 years young. Happy birthday Mr. Jurgensen, I just may light up a stogie for you!

Happy birthday Mike Boddicker. Mike played 9 seasons for the Orioles from 1980-88. Mike went 16-8 with a 2.77 ERA in the 83’ season. He then went 2-0 with 2 complete games and 0.00 ERA in the postseason as the O’s went on to win the 83’ World Series. Mike followed that up with 20 wins and an ERA title (2.79) in 84’. In the 88’ season Mike was traded to the Red Sox for Brady Anderson and Curt Schilling. Mike retired after the 93’ season and now lives in his native Iowa. Happy 52nd Mr. Boddicker.

Cheers and Hail

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

8/19: Redskins TC Update

(AP photo via Yahoo Sports)

Quite a lot has happened since my last Redskin's training camp update. The Skins lost to the Ravens (no big deal)... didn't score any points (kinda worried) and banned twittering from practice (bummed.) We also had the Colt Brennan/Jessica Simpson rumors (intrigued.)
Here's 12 great Redskins links to get you all caught up:

Chris Mortensen visited Redskins Park and JC.
(NFC East Blog)

JC talks about attitude and shows leadership. (

Fred Davis may be a big part of the offense, if he can hold onto the ball. (Wapo)

Nice feature on "The Predator" Chris Horton. (Yahoo Sports)

J.D. Skolnitsky continues to play well. (Wa Times)

Hogs Haven continues the greatest Redskins by the #'s...#28 was pretty easy. (Hog Haven)

Rich Tandler's new book, The Redskins Chronicle (a must have for any tru Redskins fan) is available at one of my favorite stores...Two Days Gifts in Manassas, VA. (Real Redskins)

The highly enjoyable rookie hazing of taping rookies to the goalposts is back at Redskins Park. (The Redskins Blog.)

Fred Smoot is getting a lot of work at free safety. (Redskins Insider)

Cooley's got a new ride(s), you can see it this Sunday at Redskins Park. (The Cooley Zone)

Details about the Twittering ban. (Redskins Insider)

The Redskins give Ladell a "Bettis" jersey. (DC Sports Bog)

Cheers and Hail

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Happy Bday Boog Powell & Brian Mitchell

Happy birthday Boog Powell. Boog played 16 seasons with the Orioles from 1961-1974. While playing for the O’s he accumulated 1,574 hits, 303 HR’s and 1,063 RBI’s. He ranks in the top 7 all-time in nearly every Orioles offensive category. He was a 4 time All-Star, 2 time World Series champion and the 1970 AL MVP. A hulking 6’4” and 240 (plus) lbs, Boog was a big lovable teddy bear. As great a player as Boog was, he may be a better cook. He’s written several cookbooks and you can’t go to Camden Yards without chowing down on some of his world famous BBQ. Boog was also one of the key players in the “less filling, taste great,” commercials from the 80’s. Happy 68th Mr. Powell.

Happy birthday Brian Mitchell. Brian is one of the greatest kick returners in the history of the NFL and one of the 70 greatest Redskins. He played 10 years in DC from 1990-1999. His 23,330 total yards ranks 2nd all time (behind Jerry Rice) in the history of the NFL. Brian holds 13 NFL records including most career punt return yards (4,999), kickoff return yards (14,014), and special teams TD’s (13.) He led the NFL in total yards 4 times…the only other player to do that was Jim Brown. Brian missed only 1 game in his entire 14 year career! The first time Brian touched the ball as a member of the Redskins he took it to the house and in his last game as a Skin (99 Playoffs vs. Tampa) he took it 100 yards to the house again. He was a great player who should get serious consideration for the Hall of Fame. You can now see and hear him on the radio in the DC area…Happy 41st Mr. Mitchell.

Cheers and Hail

Monday, August 17, 2009

Happy Bday Randle EL

Happy birthday Antwaan Randle El. ARE is entering his 4th season with the Redskins, returning punts and playing WR, with a little QB mixed in. During his 3 seasons in DC ARE has accounted for 2,767 all purpose yards and 11TD’s. ARE boasts an amazing 153.1 QB passer rating for his career…158.0 is perfect. His WR option passes have resulted in 20 completions out of 25 attempts with 4 TD’s and 0 INT’s. An incredibly gifted athlete ARE played football, baseball (he was drafted by the Cubs) and basketball (under Bobby Knight) at Indiana University. Playing QB for Indiana ARE accumulated 7,469 passing yards, 3,895 rushing yards and 92 TD’s. He was the first player in the history of Division I college football to both pass and rush for 40 TD’s. Happy 30th Mr. Randle El.

Cheers and Hail

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Happy Bday Colt Brennan

Happy birthday Colt Brennan. What birthday present will Colt be unwrapping today? Possibly a pair of double D’s? Colt is entering his 2nd season with the Redskins and has developed a “colt” following of fans clamoring for him to be the starter. Colt holds over 30 Division I passing records and is the most prolific college passer of all time. Colt has also shown acting ability off the field. Already a legend in Hawaii, if Colt becomes the QB in D.C. (and all the fame that it brings) he might just star in a Cannonball Run remake and take over the world. Happy 26th Mr. Brennan.

photo via Matt Terl and The Redskins Blog

Happy birthday Alfred Fincher. Alfred is entering his second season as a backup linebacker and special teams player for the Redskins. Alfred has been sporting a Mohawk in training camp this year, causing a bit of attention. Happy 26th Mr. Fincher.

Cheers and Hail

Thursday, August 13, 2009

August 13: Happy Bday Chris Hanburger

Happy birthday Chris Hanburger. Chris was a 9 time Pro Bowler who played 14 seasons and 187 games…all with the Redskins. He was drafted in the 18th round of the NFL draft! How’s that for an overachiever? Unfortunately they didn’t keep track of tackles when he played, did he have 2,000? Is he a Hall of Famer? One thing is for sure…he turned Matthew McConaughey into a Skins fan. A quote from MM from Premiere Magazine:

"The 'Skins had a linebacker named Chris Hanburger, who'd tackle guys and then dance
over them," McConaughey says. "I loved him and [running back] John Riggins.”

I wish I was old enough to have watched this guy play. On top of all the football accolades, he went into the automobile business in retirement, furthering his endearment to my heart.
He is now living in Darlington, SC and fully retired. Happy 68th Mr. Hanburger.

Happy birthday Greg Manusky. Greg played 3 seasons with the Redskins from 1988-90.
Greg was a special teams standout who also saw time at middle linebacker. He played with a reckless abandon and beat the shit out of himself after every missed tackle. He wore crazy facial hair and Mohawks. He totaled 161 tackles during his tenure. Greg played a total of 12 seasons and 178 games in the NFL. He joined the coaching staff of Marty Schottenheimer in 2001, coaching linebackers for the Skins.
He’s now the defensive coordinator for the 49’ers. Happy 43rd Mr. Manusky.

Happy birthday R.C. Thielemann. RC played 4 seasons with the Redskins from 1985-89. RC played 43 games with the Skins and won a Super Bowl in 87’ as a member of the Hogs. For his career RC played 12 seasons and 157 games in the NFL. RC was a 3-time Pro Bowler. In retirement RC got into the mortgage business and
now owns his own mortgage business. Happy 54th Mr. Thielemann.

Happy birthday Chris Dishman. Chris played for the Skins in 1997 and 1998. Chris earned a trip to the Pro Bowl in 97’ after a stellar campaign. He played in all 32 games in his 2 years with DC, totaling 6 int’s and 130 tackles. Overall, Chris played 199 games over 13 seasons in the NFL, grabbing 43 picks. In retirement he got into coaching and
now coaches the secondary for the Chargers and his old coach, Norv Turner. Happy 44th Mr. Dishman.

Cheers and Hail

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The UFL Draft: Part II

This post originally appeared at

So here is Part II of the UFL Draft. Yesterday, I did defense. Today Fatpickle has done Offense. The Interjections in italics are mine (FWG).


1) Travis Henry –
The great thing about Travis, we are guaranteed to have 18 people at the game if his 9 children and 9 different baby mommies show up. Possible contraceptive sponsorship here.
FWG:And if the UFL is successful, in later years his fan base will only expand exponentially. Consider this a sound investment, season ticket sales through the roof. Travis Henry: The gift the keeps on giving.
(There are an astounding amount of former Bills in this draft)

2)Plaxico Burress – I think he’s the perfect fit for the run and shoot offense. I must ask you FWG, why would one carry a loaded weapon in their pants inches from their junk? That’s a different kind of game of Russian roulette.
FWG: I'll tell you when; when one has nothing to lose. Its a metaphor?

3) Donte Stallworth
I like my wide receivers smart and elusive. If you can kill a man and only serve 30 days in jail, you fit that bill. Just try to contain him.
FWG: See, this is when I wished Stallworth played baseball. Hit-n-Run references....too soon?

4) Jamal Lewis –
So he financed a major drug deal for his buddies he grew up with… big deal? Why is it always the buddies you grew up with that get you in trouble? As far as I know the buddies I grew up with would like me to finance a sleeve of wiffleballs and a package of oatmeal cream pies. Consider it done…I just want my cut.
FWG: You know, we used to call that "being a good friend." Troubled times. Troubled times.

5 Nate Newton –
5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs! It’s obvious that Nate Newton is no quitter and he’s not going to lie down on me. Well he may lay down if he’s sampling the product, but I like his never give up attitude.
A. Sampling the product never hurt anyone, right Ricky Williams?
B. I agree with this pick, Newton is obviously down with the whole "weight loss thing" 213lbs to 175lbs? Expect a leaner/meaner Newton in his UFL Debut.

6) Timmy Smith
– I met Timmy the season after his big super bowl game, I’m not sure if the Redskins knew he was a crack head, but I could tell he was, even as a 14 year old. He was shakier than my friend’s ex-wife on a business trip… she bounced more balls in Vegas than Donovan Mcnabb bounces on the Lincoln Financial turf.
FWG: Did you have a Mean Joe Green moment, where instead of tossing a used jersey on you, he chucked his crack-pipe at you can called you a white devil?

7) Maurice Clarett
We have to have some guns and ammo on the offensive side of the ball to offset Tank Johnson. Plus, we need to get our goose on! I also heard that Maurice is a pro at the dine-and-dash, which could come in helpful at away games.
FWG: I knew a guy who played with him at State. Clarett used to lift weights with Grey Goose in his water bottle. Getting his "Goose on." If you can workout drunk, you can play in the UFL. I'm gonna trademark that.

8)Ryan Leaf
– I like a drinker and my shoulder has been f*#king killing me…I think Ryan can get me something to make it feel better.
FWG: A ballsy move asking one of your players for pain killers. It is exactly that kind of heart and determination that servers him well on the field. And potential nickname: "The Oxycontin Cowboy" for thought.

9) Doug Ramey - I was going to pick Art Schlichter here, but then I thought...I know a better drunk QB with a gambling problem. Yep, that's none other than Fatpickle in 1987. A couple observations from this picture.

A. I have no socks on because my good friend Eli Berry enjoyed pissing on my socks in the locker room. This went on during football and basketball season, thankfully he didn't play baseball.
B. It was perfectly acceptable to play football in 1987 without socks on...I had the whole Miami Vice thing working.
C. I was making out with a lot more chicks than you were in 1987!
FWG: The Make-a-Wish foundation wants their wish back. Embarrassing.
...and yes, in 1987 I was one year old.

10) Cecil Collins -
This guy was the real deal. Big, strong and fast…if only breaking into a woman’s apartment and masturbating in the closet wasn’t illegal. It would have been a simple B&E if he hadn’t been caught with a loaded gun in his hand!
FWG: Masturbating in a closet? See, some people still do enjoy life's simple pleasures.

11) Michael Irvin -
He's never met a corner that he couldn't push off from...just don't let him in the training room. Michael + scissors = bad news!
FWG: A few years back I was dating a girl who was asked out on a date by Michael Irving. Turns out this "date" was a trip to the ESPYS. She said no. I broke up with her. The end.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Redskins TC: 8/10-8/11 In Review

Colt throws his first pick, will he move up the depth chart? (PFT)

Redskins answer 3 random ?'s. Zeus, Deebo, Tiny...whatever you want to call him he's never been this popular as an actor. (Hogs Haven)

Who's in, who's out Thursday night vs. Baltimore. (Redskins Blog)

CB Justin Tryon is improving with some help from Darrell Green. (Wapo)

Jamie Mottram looks like Mark Brunnell circa 2005...but with a better arm. (The Cooley Zone)

I love Joe Bugel, Joe Bugel loves violence. (D.C. Sports Bog)

Dan Steinberg interviews Joe Theismann...who still enjoys talking. (D.C. Sports Bog)

Another article about our 2nd year, 2nd round WR's. (Yahoo Sports)

DJ Hackett is in the WR mix. (

The best of Twitter 8/10-11

@rockym52 Omg omg Jadon Campbell is sitting right beside me tearing up a nutty bar ice cream I wonder if I can get the wrapper for a souvnier

@redskinsblog Big successes in LB tip drills: HB Blades, Brian Orakpo, Chris Wilson. Someone asks, "How's HB always get up that high?"

@dcsportsbog Haynesworth has never played at FedEx. "I hear that the fans are supposed to be crazy and loud, like a college stadium but on steroids."

Cheers and Hail

Monday, August 10, 2009

The UFL Draft: Part 1

This post originally appeared at Rob Lunn is the FWG and he is a talented writer who's work can be seen all of the world wide web. I encourage you to visit his site and bookmark it while you are there. Rob and I will be gang tackling a few blog posts moving forward.

A few weeks ago, the pillars of secrecy held their annual meeting. No, not Skull and Bones or The Illuminati. Instead an organization shrouded in even deeper mystery: The United Football League. A few weeks ago the UFL held their draft; Like a crazy game of "Who's Line" no one knew the rules, who was drafted, and another similarity--I'm pretty sure next season the points won't matter. So in lieu of me talking about who was actually drafted, I'd like to present to you the 11 draft picks for my UFL Fantasy team:
The interjections in bold are the work of fellow blogger, Fat Pickle. He runs his own blog FATPICKLED which is pretty sweet. It's a Redskins/Orioles/useless pop culture blog.



1) Ray Lewis
FWG: In the UFL we are all about character issues, so who better than the star linebacker who killed a man. I mean on the field terror is nothing if you can compliment it with off the field insanity. If Fatpickle can draft Michael Vick, than I can take Ray Lewis. Dogfighting has nothing on Murder One.
FP: Ray didn't actually commit said murder, he's got people to do that. So, I will not be approaching Ray or his posse with any negative thoughts about your first round pick.

2) Lawrence Taylor
FWG: He's aged considerably well, you know...despite thew whole cocaine thing. The most dominant player of his era, now says he cares more about watching pornography that watching football. Spotty criminal history? Lack of interest in football? Likes porn? Game. Set. Match. LT is a perfect fit for the UFL.
FP: "Spotty criminal history? Likes Porn" sounds like the scouting report on me. You may need to hire Ron Jeremy to help him break down tape.

3) Bruce Smith.
FWG: I know, I know. You're already thinking I'm insulting Bruce. Quite the contrary. Bruce Smith was my idol, every night I crawled into bed during my formative years, I had Bruce's height-poster pinned on my wall, you know the one you measure to see if you are as tall as the big guy. Yes, I fell asleep every night while a 6'6 black man watched over me. I slept soundly. My point is this, he's the all time greatest---he's going into the HOF---there really isn't much left for him to conquer.....except a marginal football league. Get 'em Bruce!
FP: You seem to be going in a different direction than I am with my draft, 3 hall of famers in the first 3 rounds? I got 3 guys who are serving 5-10. Anyway, speaking of sleeping you know where Bruce sleeps soundly? Traffic lights. Traffic lights in Virginia Beach at 2 in the morning. Usually with a cop watching over him. Oh one other thing, how bout them 91' Skins?

4) Spike
Spike? Who the hell is Spike? I'll tell you who--- only the most intimidating 12 year old I've ever known. The meathead star of a little flick known as, The Little Giants--which I think took the Best Picture Oscar in '95. Countless pee-wee-ers modled their game after him. The kid had a crew cut, bulging muscles, and an attitude to match. Looking back, when his dad said, "Every night I rub evaporated milk into his hamstrings." ---I think we all know what he was really doing. PED's. The Cream and the Clear. Balco, Conte. UFL. BOOM!
FP: You know who I should draft from that movie? Polk High starting full back #33...Al Bundy. Now that's a true american bad-ass. He scored 4 TD's in the city title game!

5) Lavar Arrington
Yeah I know Fatpickle probably has a softspot for Arrington (Cheers and Hail, blah blah blah) but guess what? So do I. Despite Arringtons low production in the NFL all indicators point to him being a stand up guy. If being "retired" from football has taught me anything, its that the itch to play comes in waves. Well, I hope such a whim comes to Arrington when the phone rings and I tell him he's been pretend-drafted to my fantasy team.
FP: Wrong, fatboy. No soft spot for Lavar. The only soft spots were in his game. Always a step away from making a big play. And if you want to ring his phone it's easy to do, just call 106.7 the fan. Yep, he's talking about football on the radio. Maybe he'd make a good play by play announcer for you. Now, Dexter Manley...

6) Dimitirus Underwood
A player who is past his prime, faded from the limelight, or enjoying a holiday in the penal system have all been prime picks in my draft. How about a player who has disappeared. Even the Associated Press is comfortable describing his career with mysterious wordplay "....after for years he resurfaced..." Where exactly was he? Who knows. But come this fall he may very well be in one of 7 unknown cities, co-oping players and profits, and holding games in sponsor clad stadiums and rundown warehouses. In other words, he'll be in the UFL. I hope.
FP: This is what we call a "sleeper" pick. This guy had tremendous potential, you just have to make sure he's taking his meds! When scouting football players you sometimes here the term "north/south." Like this guy runs fast north and south. Well...this refers to Underwood as well, unfortunately for you north/south = bi-polar.

7) Rob Lunn
FWG: A slow (fat) white guy with minimal talent, who caught every lucky break on his way to a career that will best be remembered for an internet blog than any on the field prowess. Oh and leadership, he was a good leader.
FP: This is what we call a "reach pick," because you're definately reaching here. I mean, were you worried somebody was going to draft you in round 8? I fully expected this tho...and I had plans to take you with my 11th pick. "Mr. Irrlevent" long snapper.

9 Jamal Reynolds
"The greatest defense end the world has ever seen, period" Well, not quite. The former first rounder did a short stint with Green Bay and then bounced around a bit before ultimately joining me in the unemployment line. So why draft him? 'Cause I like to think he still wants to make good on that statement. Call me an optimist. Or even paralyzingly sarcastic, but Jamal Reynolds deserves another shot---no major arrests or character issues unlike most of my draft picks, hes a lock at defensive end.
FP: He's right, I've never seen him, nor heard of him. And if he hasn't been arrested or beat up a hooker or something...then I have no material for him. He's useless to me.

10 Bob Sapp-
If his illustrious MMA Career or namesake has taught us anything, it is that more black men in the middle is a good thing. Currently unaffiliated, I'm taking Sapp in draft. Bonus points for his role in The Longest Yard, references to which, up until now I've painstakingly avoided. Guilty.
FP: If your gonna take someone from TLY, why not Romanowski? He had his own pharmacy, and broke the jaws of both opponents and teammates. I'm not sure Sapp has done that in the MMA.

11) Bryce Popp(Pop/Paup)
Who? Exactly. Try and Google him. Nothing. I'm really throwing this out there, someone (anyone) send me a link to information about Bryce (Brice?) Pop (Popp/Paup?). I remember the sports talk shows of Western New York (Yes, both of them) hailing him as a defensive savior for the Bills. Then...nothing. Even in the age of the internet He cannot be found. Not to sound arrogant, but that is the definition of obscure...even I'm on there. So, Yes. I choose you Bryce Popp, like my secret Pokemon.

FP: Well, the first thing I did was google myself, cuz I like to do that. How can you be a Bills fan and not know Bryce Paup. He had 17.5 sacks in 95' to go along with 89 tackles...impressive. 4 straight Pro Bowls from 94-97. He works for the Packers and coaches high school football in Green Bay.

Coach: Bob Knight
A man that knows nothing about football for a league that probably doesn't know much either. Recipe for success. No one loves winning, or knows how to win like Knight. And the seeming lack of organization or accountability in the UFL should really test his patience; now that's something fans can rally behind.
FP: 3 yards and a cloud of dust...the cloud of dust being the old bastard that is your coach. He's gonna ride your ass like Juan Valdez. "Lunn, if you'd spend as much time on the field as you do in front of a g damn computer you might become a football player. And tell LT to to wipe up and get out here. F'in panzies."

Part II Drops Tomorrow

Look, It's Billy Bob Thornton Part 7

Shutdown Corner did a post about some hazing the Dallas Cowboys have been doing to their rookies. When I saw the picture of Pat McQuiston, I knew I had a player for the Billy Bob Thornton game. Agree?

Pat McQuistan

Rocky Dennis

Cheers and Hail

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Redskins TC: Weekend Recap

Video of the now famous QB “dodge ball.” (Redskins Blog)

Orakpo continues to impress.
(Redskins Insider)

The sites and sounds of camp + CC signs some autographs. CC=Christy Cooley
(D.C. Sports Bog)

Another of Zorn’s unconventional training methods, throw interceptions…repeat.
(Redskins Blog)

Rich Tandler interprets Zornisms. I like. (Real Redskins)

Daniels talks about the O-line and Cooley discusses his sandwich. (Hogs Haven)

DeAngelo Hall is a new man and happy with the Redskins.
(Yahoo Sports)

Zorn addresses the fans at Fan Appreciation day.

The best of Twitter Aug 7-9

@1067thefandc Brian Orakpo is just a filthy BEAST.He once again played 4 positions same scrimmage. Put major heat on # 62 LT-Clark. Got beat one in cov-CR

@RickMaese Trying to get to the bottom of this 29,000 figure. I wonder if they counted Mike Williams an extra 25,000 times...

@hogshaven I don't need to see the other squads. Skins have the hottest cheerleading squad in the nfl. Calander cover model went to va tech

@dall23 Redskins Nation Thanks for a great day at the first fan appreciation day was legit! Check out & @redskinsblog

@redskinsblog I think Colt Brennan's name got a louder cheer than Jason Campbells. And Campbell got quite a cheer.

@dcsportsbog Bugel on seeing live hitting: "That's my turn-on: violence."

Cheers and Hail

August 9: Happy Bday Doug Williams

Happy birthday Doug Williams. Doug played 4 season with the Redskins from 1986-89 appearing 21 games. As a starting quarterback during that time he delivered only 5 regular season wins. But, for one playoff run, for 1 special day, and for incredible quarter… Williams will never be forgotten. Super Bowl XLIII MVP, throwing for 340 yards and 4TD’s. He played that game after having 6 hours of root canal surgery the day before and not sleeping well for several days. He also tore his knee up in the first quarter; he had to have surgery to repair it after that game. I love Doug Williams, you must watch the YouTube below. In retirement he succeeded the legendary Eddie Robinson as head football coach at his alma mater Grambling State University. He is now the director of professional scouting for the Tamp Bay Buccaneers with aspirations of becoming a general manager. I wouldn’t count this man out. Happy 54th Mr. Williams.

Happy birthday Deion Sanders. Deion had a hall of fame 14 year career…except the one year he played for the Redskins. Deion signed a 7 year $56 million dollar contract with the Redskins prior to the 2000 season. He was part of a free agent class that included Bruce Smith and Jeff George and we all know how that ended. Deion sleepwalked thru one season, intercepting 4 passes and averaging 7.4 yds on punt returns. He also threw in a kick return for –1 yard. No touchdowns, no “primetime.” After the season Deion retired so he could keep most of the $8 million signing he received…basically stealing money from the Redskins and giving them dead cap space in return. Of course he came back to play a few years later after he became a free agent again. You can now see Deion on the NFL network, or on MTV Rock and Jocks being schooled by Nelly. Happy 42nd Mr. Sanders…I’m still bitter.

Happy birthday Hunter Smith. Hunter was brought in this season to cure the Redskin’s punting woes. He’s averaged 43.4 yards per punt during his career and may be the best holder in the history of football. Zorn made a point to talk about him to the fans at fan appreciation day, noting how long his punts are and how much hang time they have. That all sounds good to me, I think our Punters cost us a game or 2 last year! Welcome to Washington Mr. Smith and happy 32nd!

Happy birthday Jarvis Hayes. Jarvis played 4 seasons with the Wizards from 2003-2007. He appeared in 226 games averaging 8.9 points per game. He was named 2nd team All Rookie after his rookie season. Jarvis currently plays for the Nets and has his own website. Happy 28th Mr. Hayes.

Cheers and Hail