Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hall Of Shame

I'm Livin the dream, how can I f**k it up?

Plaxico Burress is the latest in a long line of professional athletes who have found a way to "ruin a wet dream." Many athletes have squandered their fame and fortune, and they have found many different ways to do so. I have compiled my own little Hall of Shame, complete with categories documenting their downfall.

I do have to admit that I am guilty of some of these. When I go out I hit the ATM and get plenty of cash, usually my fast cash option of 60 bucks. Because when I'm out at my local pub, I may want to make it rain while I'm eating my corned beef sandwich. And I usually bring my numchucks in case someone starts hassling me while I'm playing Golden Tee.

My Hall of Shame Team,
I want to use my signing bonus or last 50 grand I have in the bank to make a drug deal club:
Travis Henry - After screwing up a 5 year/22.5 mil deal with the Broncos, Henry decided to become "the ruthless money guy in a cocaine trafficking ring."
Jamal Lewis - In the prime of his career he decided to help a few buddies work up a drug deal, causing him to lose millions and spend some time in the clink.
Nate Newton - I love this story. 5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs!
Timmy Smith - After rushing for 204 yds in Super Bowl XXII against the Broncos, Timmy retired to Denver. I'm not sure if he knows Travis Henry, but they both live in the Denver area and deal cocaine.
I don't deal drugs, I abuse them club:
Dwight Gooden - Suspended multiple times as coke and alcohol derailed a potential HOF career.
Darryl Strawberry - see Dwight Gooden above.
Dexter Manley - One of the greatest DE's ever, he could never stay away from the crack, and was banned from the NFL.
Travis Henry - Suspended by the NFL multiple times for using drugs and yes he also deals them!
I made millions in my career but spent millions more club:
Evander Holyfield - Still boxing after making 250 million, creditors are lined up!
Mike Tyson - How much money does Don King have?
Travis Henry - "He doesn't have any money. The guy has significant financial issues." A quote from Henry's lawyer.
This club is the bomb, I think I'm gonna bust a cap up in this bitch club:
Tank Johnson -Had enough guns and ammo at his house to film Die Hard 5.
Plaxico Burress - I play for the Giants and I'm going to a club in Manhattan. I'm worried that people might not know who I am, so how can I draw attention to myself? I know, I'll wear a couple hundred grand worth of jewelery and bring thousands of dollars in cash. I better bring a gun.
Maurice Clarett - After getting "his goose on" with the Broncos, Clarett was arrested for armed burglary and had 5 loaded weapons in his car. And a bottle of Grey Goose.
Smack my bitch up club:
Mike Tyson - arrested for rape
Lawrence Phillips - do not date this man
Riddick Bowe - kidnapped wife and kids
The degenerate drunk gambler club (also known as the white man's club):
Art Schlichter - has lied, cheated, and stole his entire life due to his addiction to gambling.
John Daly - has never found a bar, casino, or Hooters that he hasn't liked. Claims to have lost at least 50 million gambling!
Denny Mclain - The last MLB pitcher to win 30 games, he has all kinds of issues like drug trafficking, embezzlement, and racketeering.
Pete Rose - So he had a gambling problem, this is Charlie Hustle, he deserves to be in the Hall!
The I'm gonna pull out this time club:
Evander Holyfield - 11 childen
Travis Henry - 9 children by 9 different women, by the age of 28!
Shawn Kemp - 7 children by 6 women
There are many more categories, and many, many more dumb asses who have flushed it all away. But can we find a better face for our Hall of Shame than this guy?

I'm not only a member, I'm also the President.

Cheers and Hail


beccalynn said...

You have numchucks??

Anonymous said...

Could add "I got smacked by my bitch" for Chuck Finley (or else he has a stiletto heel S & M fantasy)!.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the Vick brothers Mike & Marcus