Comedian and blog friend Danny Rouhier contributed to this post. Check him out at funnydanny.com
picture via Hogs Haven
There is one sure fire way to know if Jerry Gray officially interviewed to be the head coach of the Redskins…did he spend the night at Dan Snyder’s mansion? Seriously, WTF is up with the sleepover interviews at the Danny’s? What other job in the world do you not only wear a suit to the interview but you also bring your pajamas? I’m not making this up…it’s well documented.
So this has to make one wonder…what goes on in that 24 hour period at Danny’s house? Luckily, I was a fly on the wall during the Shanahan interview and I’m here to report my findings. Here’s a timeline breakdown of what went down.
5pm-6pm The Interview
What interview? Shanahan was hired months ago. So…Dan, Shanny and the man Shanny HIRED…Bruce Allen, spend this time playing the hand slap game, paper/rock/scissors and Call of Duty.
The boys have worked up quite the hunger from all the games so Dan and Shanny dispatch Bruce to get some Johnnie Rockets burgers.
7pm-9pm Film Breakdown
It’s time to start evaluating talent, so Bruce, Dan and Shanny sit down to watch highlights of last years Golden Globes and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year. Bruce and Shanny butt heads over the use of Ryan Seacrest, Bruce wants more while Shanny wants less. Dan tells Bruce that Shanny has final say…Seacrest OUT!
10pm-11pm Special Guests
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stop by for a visit. Bruce was a big fan of Dawson’s Creek, so Katie entertains him by acting out old scenes. Tom, Dan and Shanny retreat to the basement for some clay table processing. Kenny Loggins stops by just to sing “Highway to the Danger Zone” for effect.
Needing a 4th for a mini round robin tournament, Dan calls “consultant” Vinny Cerrato over to play. So…Vinny walks over to the main house from his apartment over Dan’s garage. Before match play begins Vinny dispenses the one and only piece of valuable “consulting” information he has learned in 10 years on the job…let the boss win.
After calling several classified adds in the City Paper Bruce finds a couple of nice medical students (a blonde and an Italian) to come over and give Dan and Shanny well deserved massages. Bruce advises them to ask for the full service.
Bruce and Vinny have retreated to the garage apartment and it’s time for the new BFF’s to bond. Shanny originally wanted to go to bed but Dan reminded him that Gibbs worked till 4am. Shanny was pissed so he tea-bagged Danny’s drum set…but the spat was over quickly and the 2 bonded by playing truth or dare, ran a sack race and built a pillow fort. Dan also helped Shanny set up his FaceBook profile. Another spat ended the night when Dan overruled Shanahan again…Dan always gets the top bunk.
Shanahan tossed and turned with a case of the Johnny Rockets farts. Dan spent this time brainwashing Shanny into never reading page 14 of his contract (aka the Lavar page,) and always falling in love with every “sexy” pick the Danny likes. He also convinced Shanahan to think he has “total control” even though he never really will.
8am-9am Golf Cart Ride
Bright and early Dan took Shanny on a golf cart ride around the estate. Shanny tried to explain football terminology to Dan but spent 30 minutes going over “trips” and “traps.” Dan drove down to the river to say hello to Bruce and Vinny who were busy cutting down nuisance trees.
Another fight …over the remote control this time. Danny likes old school “Tom & Jerry” and “Thundercats,” while Shanny is more of a “Phineas and Ferb” guy.
11am-12pm Extreme Makeover
Dan’s stylist comes in to hook Shanny up for his big press conference. This process involves only one thing…which of these 1,000 burgundy and gold ties would you like to wear Mr. Shanahan?
12pm-2pm The New Digs
Helicopter ride over to Ashburn where Shanny settles into his new office. The office looks more like a prison wall from where Zorn has been counting down the days using hash marks. Jerry Gray had been “squatting” in the office for several days. While being removed he was heard muttering “they said they would get back to me.”
2pm Ladies & Gentlemen…You’re New Coach
Cheers and Hail