Saturday, January 17, 2009

Super Bowl Coaches R Us


With the firing of Jon Gruden today and the retirement of Tony Dungy this week, there are now 16 living coaches with Super Bowl rings.
Welcome to my new EBay Store, Super Bowl Coaches R Us. Come on in, we are overstocked. Please check out our many departments, as we have many selections to fit your needs. You may choose from the vintage, bargain bin, and new arrival sections.

Bargain Bin

Barry Switzer - Buy Him Now $1.99 - I'll throw in free shipping on this model. I'm sure he'd love to coach again but I'm not sure there would be any takers on a booze swigging coach who
specializes in the the option.

George Seifert - Buy Him Now $99.99 - He may suck as a coach, but if you purchase George, I promise he will sing the Bossanova any time you want... The dance of love.

Vintage

Joe Gibbs - Out Of Stock - We tried re-releasing this model a few years back, after mixed results we put the mold back in the vault. There is a spin off model available at our NASCAR shop.

Mike Ditka - Out Of Stock - I'd love to be able to offer up Iron Mike, but it's amazing how trading away your entire draft for Ricky Williams takes away your credibility. Or maybe it was this?

John Madden - Out Of Stock - He makes millions announcing, millions doing commercials, and mega millions on video games. That makes him the smartest coach ever. He could probably buy the NFL or EBay.

Don Shula - Out Of Stock - He's the winningest coach ever and he makes a mean steak sandwich.
We have a better chance of seeing him in another Ace Ventura movie than on an NFL sideline.


Jimmy Johnson - Out Of Stock - I'd love to think Jimmy would take on more shot at it, in fact I thought the Danny would have made a run at him by now. Unfortunately, unless he can coach while knocking back a couple Heinekens and eating Nachos, no deal!

Dick Vermeil - Out Of Stock - Do you want a little cheese with that wine? You might get him to come in and interview, but in the end he'll decide to stay retired, and everyone can have a good cry about it.

Bill Parcels - Buy Him Now $25 million - Yep, this oldy but goody is always looking for another dance partner. And it doesn't matter is he's under contract somewhere else, the Tuna is always ready to jump ship. He's easier than Paris Hilton on a Vegas trip.

New Arrivals

Bill Cowher - Buy Him Now $50 million - When he decides to coach again, he will become the highest paid coach ever. Will he be worth it...all sales are final.

Brian Billick - Buy Him Now $15 million Or Best Offer - I cannot stand to watch another game with him as a commentator. Make an offer, I'll listen.

Mike Holmgren - Buy Him Now $20 million - "Retired" to open a book store. Unless that store is full of West Coast playbooks, he'll be back soon. Comes with an unlimited supply of Starbucks coffee.

Mike Shanahan - Buy Him Now $30 million - He's a steal since Pat Bowlen will be picking up part of his tab. Let old "wooden teeth" coach and keep him away from drafting defensive players.

Tony Dungy - Out Of Stock - I'm sure a lot of teams will talk to him, but I truly believe he's done. I don't think any amount of money will make a difference.

John Gruden - Buy Him Now $25 million - The Bucs trades 2 #1 and 2 #2 draft picks along with 8 million for him. You think they should have shopped him a little before firing him with $17 million left on his contract? Another steal as the Glazers give you a discount.

I guess the point is there are some awesome coaches available. They have great resumes, that's for sure. But you know what? At one point all these guys were no named assistants looking for their first break. Madden, Gibbs, Cowher, Dungy, on and on. So who knows what the right choice is?

Even if these guys never coach again, they have made millions and have had great careers. No need crying over them...well you can cry with Vermeil.

Cheers and Hail

2 comments:

beccalynn said...

I thought this post was quite clever and I enjoyed the shopping reference. Nice job honey!

mberenis said...

Great blog, check out mine sometime. You can get cheap tickets under $100.00 plenty left but not for long!!

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