Designated Driver - Gilbert Arenas
Donte Stallworth was begging for the keys, I'm out on that. Kurt Warner was an option here, but we're going out to PAARTY. Not going to want to hear about God and all the sins we're committing. Agent Zero loves to party and go clubbing, but doesn't drink...perfect.
Bodyguard/Enforcer Guy - Andre The Giant
Several reason why Andre is the man here. Billed @ 7'4" and 550 lbs, I don't think anyone will fuck with us. Andre also reportedly could drink 100 beers at 1 sitting! An added bonus, Andre could also carry 5 girls in his arms at a time.
Pretty Faced Wingmen - Derek Jeter (East Coast) Matt Leinart (West Coast)
Jeter has pulled more ass than a donkey farmer moving from Virgina to California. And his list is impressive, so he'll be along to rake in the ladies. Leinart will have drunken sorority chicks lined up for us, as well as the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world.
The Gamblers - Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley
A guys night out is not complete without placing a bet, and nobody gambles like these 2. As an added bonus, Barkley knows where to find the worlds best "booty call" BJ's.
The Fun and Games Guy - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
If the club and party scene sucks, you can always resort to the grown ups getting drunk and acting like kids games. Little E has it all at his house. Nightclub, go kart track, saloon, and even a jail.
The Drinkers - John Daly, Mickey Mantle, John Riggins
Bringing along Daly means an obligatory stop at Hooters. Daly also is the most likely to end up in Earnhardts jail winner. Mantle's drinking is legendary. In fact, anyone in sports whose ever had to get a liver transplant is invited out. Riggins is the guy most likely to run his mouth too much and require Andre to defuse a fight.
The Coach - Jimmy Johnson
With this many athletes on board, we got to have a leader. Pack some Heinekens and nachos, because the lip-smacker himself is our leader.
Cheers and Hail