Oohhh Mmaaannnn!!!!!

This is Corey Hill from UFC Fight Night 16. He's got one hell of a leg on him. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach, nor look at the picture below. Cheers and Hail

Mr. Snyder, Your Steak Is Ready

I said "keep it medium!"

It seems as though Jim Zorn might be cooking himself right out of a job. Mr. Snyder likes his steak "medium" and Zorn right now is "medium well." If Zorn doesn't win out, he may just be "well-done."
Just 5 weeks ago everything was good. Zorn was just perfect. A coach of the year candidate, the West Coast offense was clicking, and Portis was the league's MVP. Zorn was riding bikes around DC with the President. Since then the Skins have gone 1-4 (including 0-3 at home), and the Offense has disappeared, averaging a mere 10 pts per game. Having a public spat with said MVP candidate was not a good thing. If Zorn was not happy with Portis and his practice participation, it should have been handled in the 40 hours a week they spend together at Redskins Park. It should not have played out on the field of a "must win" game on national TV. Zorn loves to get in front of the media and talk too much about things that should be kept in the locker room, he seems to pride himself on his communication. Is he not communicating like this in the locker room with his players?
Now word is circulating that Zorn needs to win out to save his job. I'm pretty sure that if Mr. Snyder's steak leaves a bad taste in his mouth, he's going to send it back. So we'll have to wait and see if Zorn and Bush ride off into the sunset together.

Maybe do some fishing.

The truth is I hope Zorn is the coach of the Redskins next season (even though I am less than pleased right now). If Zorn is the coach next season, it will have meant the Skins made the Playoffs this year. This is my hope. I'm still medium.

Cheers and Hail

Once You Get Past The Smell You Got It Licked

THE WONDERLIC BOWL

The Wonderlic Personnel Test is a twelve-minute, fifty-question intelligence test used to assess the aptitude of prospective employees for learning and problem-solving in a wide range of occupations. That definition came from Wikipedia. The Wonderlic is also known as a test that every prospective NFL player takes at the NFL Combine. Some teams take a lot of stock into the scores, others do not. One thing is for sure, if you score low on the test it will stick with you forever. I thought it would be cool to match up the "smarter" players against the "dumber" players. There are rules to this game and other important info to consider:

#1 In order to be selected to the "Smart Asses" a score of 25+ is required.

#2 In order to be selected to the "Dumb Asses" a score of 15- is required.

#3 A score of 10 is considered the "Dexter Line." 10 is considered literate.

#4 A score of 20 is considered a 100 IQ = the average person.

#5 Don't forget about book smarts, or in this case football smarts.

#6 The average score for the position will appear after the position abbreviation.

#7 I have done my very best to research the scores, however I cannot verify that they are 100% accurate.

#8 I took the test and scored a 33!

#9 Active Players only, Defense will come another day.

Smart Asses

QB(24) E. Manning 39, Romo 37, A. Rodgers 35

RB(16) M. Turner 35, S. Jackson 28, R. Grant 26

WR(17) V. Jackson 33, L. Evans 27, B. Edwards 27

TE(22) B Watson 41, H. Miller 39,Cooley 32

Dumb Asses

QB Mcnabb 14, Garrard 14, V. Young 15

RB Gore 6, K. Jones 15

WR C. Henry 9, Manningham 6

TE Winslow 12, Troupe 15

The Smart Asses are coached by Max Cady. They can out learn you, out read you, out think you, and out philosophy you.

Cheers and Hail

The Six Degrees Of Fatpickled

Every Monday I will post 6 links to things I find entertaining. Here's what I've been looking at today.

Jerry Jones thinks Barber is a wussy

Chris Cooley likes Anita's and Fair Oaks Mall

I don't know what to say about this

Here's a reason to eat organic foods (If the little man doesn't reach his full potential we can blame it on sausage and velveeta)

David Garrard knows how to crank up a wedding reception

This is a must every Monday Morning (Peter King finds a way to piss me off every week, but it's also insightful and entertaining)

Cheers and Hail!

Fantasy Thoughts Of The Week (that don't include Audrina Patridge)

Studs

It's playoff time in Fantasy Football land, and hopefully your team is in the playoffs. I've made the playoffs in all of my leagues, but I'm not feeling too confident. Bad decisions and bad trades have doomed the Fatpickles and the 22 Swinging Dicks.

This is the time of year where you have really great Sundays, or really shitty ones. I mean it really sucks if the team you root for and your fantasy team get knocked out of the playoffs on the same day. I sure hope that doesn't happen, it's a double whammy! And if you are a gambler and have a bad day on top of this, oh man! You'll be in the dumps till Christmas. But I am forever an optimist and I hope everyone reading this is a winner come Sunday!

My Studs this week are all guys that were on my team, but I traded them away. I cannot believe how bad these trades have become (for me). I'm hoping by labeling them Studs they will actually become Duds this weekend!

QB

Aaron Rodgers - I traded Rodgers for Jay Cutler several weeks ago. Cutler has been good, but Rodgers has been better.

Shaun Hill - I traded Shaun Hill for Brady Quinn. I wanted Quinn (a backup at the time) forgetting the fact that Hill was a starter for a Mike Martz's Offense. Quinn is out for the year!

RB

D'Angelo Williams - I traded Williams for Joseph Addai. At the time Williams was in a time share with Stewart, since the trade he is the #1 RB in Fantasy Football! Addai hasn't done much and hurt himself again in practice this week, he's questionable for Sunday!

WR

Marques Colston - I traded Colston for Vincent Jackson. After drafting Colston in the 4th round, he missed 6 weeks with a broken finger. I traded him and he is now playing like a top tier WR. Oh yeah, I didn't start Jackson Thursday Night! 5rec/148yds/59yd TD

Chad Johnson - I traded him for Derek Anderson. Johnson hasn't done much, but Anderson immediately lost his job and when he regained it, he blew out his knee. He is out for the year.

Oh well, if I lose I'll have more time to work on my sales technique!

Cheers and Hail

Hall Of Shame

I'm Livin the dream, how can I f**k it up?

Plaxico Burress is the latest in a long line of professional athletes who have found a way to "ruin a wet dream." Many athletes have squandered their fame and fortune, and they have found many different ways to do so. I have compiled my own little Hall of Shame, complete with categories documenting their downfall.

I do have to admit that I am guilty of some of these. When I go out I hit the ATM and get plenty of cash, usually my fast cash option of 60 bucks. Because when I'm out at my local pub, I may want to make it rain while I'm eating my corned beef sandwich. And I usually bring my numchucks in case someone starts hassling me while I'm playing Golden Tee.

My Hall of Shame Team,

I want to use my signing bonus or last 50 grand I have in the bank to make a drug deal club:

Travis Henry - After screwing up a 5 year/22.5 mil deal with the Broncos, Henry decided to become "the ruthless money guy in a cocaine trafficking ring."

Jamal Lewis - In the prime of his career he decided to help a few buddies work up a drug deal, causing him to lose millions and spend some time in the clink.

Nate Newton - I love this story. 5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs!

Timmy Smith - After rushing for 204 yds in Super Bowl XXII against the Broncos, Timmy retired to Denver. I'm not sure if he knows Travis Henry, but they both live in the Denver area and deal cocaine.

I don't deal drugs, I abuse them club:

Dwight Gooden - Suspended multiple times as coke and alcohol derailed a potential HOF career.

Darryl Strawberry - see Dwight Gooden above.

Dexter Manley - One of the greatest DE's ever, he could never stay away from the crack, and was banned from the NFL.

Travis Henry - Suspended by the NFL multiple times for using drugs and yes he also deals them!

I made millions in my career but spent millions more club:

Evander Holyfield - Still boxing after making 250 million, creditors are lined up!

Mike Tyson - How much money does Don King have?

Travis Henry - "He doesn't have any money. The guy has significant financial issues." A quote from Henry's lawyer.

This club is the bomb, I think I'm gonna bust a cap up in this bitch club:

Tank Johnson -Had enough guns and ammo at his house to film Die Hard 5.

Plaxico Burress - I play for the Giants and I'm going to a club in Manhattan. I'm worried that people might not know who I am, so how can I draw attention to myself? I know, I'll wear a couple hundred grand worth of jewelery and bring thousands of dollars in cash. I better bring a gun.

Maurice Clarett - After getting "his goose on" with the Broncos, Clarett was arrested for armed burglary and had 5 loaded weapons in his car. And a bottle of Grey Goose.

Smack my bitch up club:

Mike Tyson - arrested for rape

Lawrence Phillips - do not date this man

Riddick Bowe - kidnapped wife and kids

The degenerate drunk gambler club (also known as the white man's club):

Art Schlichter - has lied, cheated, and stole his entire life due to his addiction to gambling.

John Daly - has never found a bar, casino, or Hooters that he hasn't liked. Claims to have lost at least 50 million gambling!

Denny Mclain - The last MLB pitcher to win 30 games, he has all kinds of issues like drug trafficking, embezzlement, and racketeering.

Pete Rose - So he had a gambling problem, this is Charlie Hustle, he deserves to be in the Hall!

The I'm gonna pull out this time club:

Evander Holyfield - 11 childen

Travis Henry - 9 children by 9 different women, by the age of 28!

Shawn Kemp - 7 children by 6 women

There are many more categories, and many, many more dumb asses who have flushed it all away. But can we find a better face for our Hall of Shame than this guy?

I'm not only a member, I'm also the President.

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle? Really?

So as my family, friends, and strangers visit this blog the question is "Fatpickle?" Who or what is Fatpickle? I'm going to try to explain in this post.First of all I'd like to continue to let the legend grow, but it doesn't pertain to a part of my anatomy. No, if that was the case the blog would be titled Averagepickle (Rebecca this is where you post a message saying that I am being modest, and that I am HUGE!).

I had a friend named Brian in college that would always say "that's fat like a pickle". I enjoyed the saying and used it often. Somehow it got shortened to fatpickle, and one day I filled out an office pool and put Fatpickle down as my name. At the time, Porkboy46 (aka Fulltip) and I were roommates in Baltimore, working for this guy. I soon became "Uncle Pickle" to Porkboy's wonderful daughter. From this point it snowballed. My fantasy football team is Fatpickles.

Fatpickle receives mail. He gets store catalogs, applications for credit, and has been a loyal subscriber to Sports Illustrated since the mid 90's. Fatpickle also gets phone calls from telemarketers. Example phone call:

"Hello"

"Hello is this Mr......Pickle?"

"Yes"

"Uh, giggle..Mr. Pickle...giggle.. I am calling you today to tell you...blah, blah, blah"

Fatpickle has been around 13 years now, I'm not even sure if I am talking about myself in the 3rd person?

Maybe Fatpickle can be my Randall Stevens, start applying for those lines of credit. Get that nest egg together and Mrs. Pickle and I will head to Zihuatanejo. I understand Fatpickle is a man who knows how to get things.

Cheers and Hail!