Happy Birthday Fatpickled

One year ago today I sat down and started a little project…I had no idea what I was getting into! A Redskin’s win over Dallas inspired me to sit down and create a blog. Despite the fact that I’m not the most computer savvy guy in the world, I somehow navigated my way to blogger where budlightthoughts.blogspot was born. A week or so later I changed the name of the site to Fatpickled, a play on a username that I’ve used for many years. My first header is pictured above, it was kinda cool…it changed to my current header shortly before http://www.fatpickled.com/ was launched in January.

It’s gone a lot further than I could have ever imagined, to date I’ve had nearly 200K hits for the year (minus my 100k, that’s still a solid #.) In the next few days I plan on posting a Top Ten collection of my favorite and most visited posts, but today I’d like to thank a few people that have helped support the site in the past year.

I’ve been very fortunate to have some VIP’s in the sports and blogging world help me along the way:

Tanner and Chris Cooley have been so awesome and instrumental to this site. I’m convinced the site wouldn’t exist without The Cooley Zone. When my comments on their site started turning into blog posts I knew it was time to start my own. My site wouldn’t be called Fatpickled either…had certain Cooley family members not thought my comments and handle were funny. Tanner has been a huge supporter since day 1 and I consider him a friend. Chris has granted me interviews, posted comments and worn a Fatpickled tee shirt to show his support. Additionally I’m also honored they allow me to be a contributor to the Cooley Zone, thanks for everything Cooley bros!

I respect Matt Terl as much as any blogger in the business…he also happens to have the coolest job as the official blogger of the Redskins. Matt linked Fatpickled to the Redskins site early on and has supported the site with links and tweets ever since. He works extremely hard and produces awesome inside info on the Redskins several times a day. If you don’t have his site under your favorites and don’t check it on a daily basis, well…your cheating yourself. Thanks Matt for your support, keep up the great work.

Hot Clicks is the Holy Grail for sports bloggers…it’s located in the Extra Mustard section of SI’s website and is run by Jimmy Traina. There is no better feeling as a blogger than to click on Hot Clicks around 11am (approx time it’s updated M-F) and see your site linked to it, because you know your going to get major traffic that day. In fact, this site probably had closer to 250K hits in the past year, but Jimmy’s loyal Yankee followers crashed my site for 8 days…and I’m ok with that. Hot Clicks is an awesome blend of sports and pop culture and is a must read on a daily basis. Thank you Jimmy for including Fatpickled…it’s your world, I’m just passing thru it.

I’d also like to thank the Fat White Guy; we are partners in crime who tag team posts from time to time. He’s a gifted writer who covers sports and pop culture at his site. Thanks Rob, I look forward to working with you moving forward.

I have some awesome writers who contribute to this blog, although none of them will be accused of working too much, haha. Porkboy, Lazy JC, E4three and RevJT…thanks for your humor and talent.

I need to thank Oliver Morris, who is responsible for setting up my site, my header, photo shopping and t-shirt designs…thanks Ollie.

Thanks to all the current and former athletes who granted me interviews. I know you didn’t have to grant an interview to a small blog run by a guy named Fatpickle…I thank you for doing so.

Most importantly, I have to thank Mrs. Pickle. I’m blessed to have a super hot and cool wife. I work long hours in my real job, then come home with an idea that I must blog about. She puts up with my hobby and supports me…even if she doesn’t read my blog. Thanks for being the most awesome wife and mommy, you are the MVP of my life.

Finally, thanks to all of you reading this right now. I hope you have found some entertainment and humor here in the past year. I appreciate your comments and tell your friends to visit…year 2 is going to be so much better.

Cheers and Hail

The UFL Draft: Part II

This post originally appeared at http://lunn65.blogspot.com/.

So here is Part II of the UFL Draft. Yesterday, I did defense. Today Fatpickle has done Offense. The Interjections in italics are mine (FWG).

UFL DRAFT: PART II - OFFENSE

1) Travis Henry –
The great thing about Travis, we are guaranteed to have 18 people at the game if his 9 children and 9 different baby mommies show up. Possible contraceptive sponsorship here.
FWG:And if the UFL is successful, in later years his fan base will only expand exponentially. Consider this a sound investment, season ticket sales through the roof. Travis Henry: The gift the keeps on giving.
(There are an astounding amount of former Bills in this draft)

2)Plaxico Burress – I think he’s the perfect fit for the run and shoot offense. I must ask you FWG, why would one carry a loaded weapon in their pants inches from their junk? That’s a different kind of game of Russian roulette.
FWG: I'll tell you when; when one has nothing to lose. Its a metaphor?









3) Donte Stallworth –
I like my wide receivers smart and elusive. If you can kill a man and only serve 30 days in jail, you fit that bill. Just try to contain him.
FWG: See, this is when I wished Stallworth played baseball. Hit-n-Run references....too soon?



4) Jamal Lewis –
So he financed a major drug deal for his buddies he grew up with… big deal? Why is it always the buddies you grew up with that get you in trouble? As far as I know the buddies I grew up with would like me to finance a sleeve of wiffleballs and a package of oatmeal cream pies. Consider it done…I just want my cut.
FWG: You know, we used to call that "being a good friend." Troubled times. Troubled times.





5 Nate Newton –
5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs! It’s obvious that Nate Newton is no quitter and he’s not going to lie down on me. Well he may lay down if he’s sampling the product, but I like his never give up attitude.
FWG:
A. Sampling the product never hurt anyone, right Ricky Williams?
B. I agree with this pick, Newton is obviously down with the whole "weight loss thing" 213lbs to 175lbs? Expect a leaner/meaner Newton in his UFL Debut.

6) Timmy Smith
– I met Timmy the season after his big super bowl game, I’m not sure if the Redskins knew he was a crack head, but I could tell he was, even as a 14 year old. He was shakier than my friend’s ex-wife on a business trip… she bounced more balls in Vegas than Donovan Mcnabb bounces on the Lincoln Financial turf.
FWG: Did you have a Mean Joe Green moment, where instead of tossing a used jersey on you, he chucked his crack-pipe at you can called you a white devil?

7) Maurice Clarett –
We have to have some guns and ammo on the offensive side of the ball to offset Tank Johnson. Plus, we need to get our goose on! I also heard that Maurice is a pro at the dine-and-dash, which could come in helpful at away games.
FWG: I knew a guy who played with him at State. Clarett used to lift weights with Grey Goose in his water bottle. Getting his "Goose on." If you can workout drunk, you can play in the UFL. I'm gonna trademark that.




8)Ryan Leaf
– I like a drinker and my shoulder has been f*#king killing me…I think Ryan can get me something to make it feel better.
FWG: A ballsy move asking one of your players for pain killers. It is exactly that kind of heart and determination that servers him well on the field. And potential nickname: "The Oxycontin Cowboy" ...food for thought.



9) Doug Ramey - I was going to pick Art Schlichter here, but then I thought...I know a better drunk QB with a gambling problem. Yep, that's none other than Fatpickle in 1987. A couple observations from this picture.

A. I have no socks on because my good friend Eli Berry enjoyed pissing on my socks in the locker room. This went on during football and basketball season, thankfully he didn't play baseball.

B. It was perfectly acceptable to play football in 1987 without socks on...I had the whole Miami Vice thing working.
C. I was making out with a lot more chicks than you were in 1987!
FWG: The Make-a-Wish foundation wants their wish back. Embarrassing.
...and yes, in 1987 I was one year old.

10) Cecil Collins -
This guy was the real deal. Big, strong and fast…if only breaking into a woman’s apartment and masturbating in the closet wasn’t illegal. It would have been a simple B&E if he hadn’t been caught with a loaded gun in his hand!
FWG: Masturbating in a closet? See, some people still do enjoy life's simple pleasures.

11) Michael Irvin -
He's never met a corner that he couldn't push off from...just don't let him in the training room. Michael + scissors = bad news!
FWG: A few years back I was dating a girl who was asked out on a date by Michael Irving. Turns out this "date" was a trip to the ESPYS. She said no. I broke up with her. The end.

The UFL Draft: Part 1

This post originally appeared at www.thefatwhiteguy.com. Rob Lunn is the FWG and he is a talented writer who's work can be seen all of the world wide web. I encourage you to visit his site and bookmark it while you are there. Rob and I will be gang tackling a few blog posts moving forward.


A few weeks ago, the pillars of secrecy held their annual meeting. No, not Skull and Bones or The Illuminati. Instead an organization shrouded in even deeper mystery: The United Football League. A few weeks ago the UFL held their draft; Like a crazy game of "Who's Line" no one knew the rules, who was drafted, and another similarity--I'm pretty sure next season the points won't matter. So in lieu of me talking about who was actually drafted, I'd like to present to you the 11 draft picks for my UFL Fantasy team:

The interjections in bold are the work of fellow blogger, Fat Pickle. He runs his own blog FATPICKLED which is pretty sweet. It's a Redskins/Orioles/useless pop culture blog.

UFL DRAFT: PART II - OFFENSE

Defense:
1) Ray Lewis
FWG: In the UFL we are all about character issues, so who better than the star linebacker who killed a man. I mean on the field terror is nothing if you can compliment it with off the field insanity. If Fatpickle can draft Michael Vick, than I can take Ray Lewis. Dogfighting has nothing on Murder One.

FP: Ray didn't actually commit said murder, he's got people to do that. So, I will not be approaching Ray or his posse with any negative thoughts about your first round pick.

2) Lawrence Taylor
FWG: He's aged considerably well, you know...despite thew whole cocaine thing. The most dominant player of his era, now says he cares more about watching pornography that watching football. Spotty criminal history? Lack of interest in football? Likes porn? Game. Set. Match. LT is a perfect fit for the UFL.

FP: "Spotty criminal history? Likes Porn" sounds like the scouting report on me. You may need to hire Ron Jeremy to help him break down tape.

3) Bruce Smith.
FWG: I know, I know. You're already thinking I'm insulting Bruce. Quite the contrary. Bruce Smith was my idol, every night I crawled into bed during my formative years, I had Bruce's height-poster pinned on my wall, you know the one you measure to see if you are as tall as the big guy. Yes, I fell asleep every night while a 6'6 black man watched over me. I slept soundly. My point is this, he's the all time greatest---he's going into the HOF---there really isn't much left for him to conquer.....except a marginal football league. Get 'em Bruce!

FP: You seem to be going in a different direction than I am with my draft, 3 hall of famers in the first 3 rounds? I got 3 guys who are serving 5-10. Anyway, speaking of sleeping soundly...do you know where Bruce sleeps soundly? Traffic lights. Traffic lights in Virginia Beach at 2 in the morning. Usually with a cop watching over him. Oh one other thing, how bout them 91' Skins?

4) Spike
Spike? Who the hell is Spike? I'll tell you who--- only the most intimidating 12 year old I've ever known. The meathead star of a little flick known as, The Little Giants--which I think took the Best Picture Oscar in '95. Countless pee-wee-ers modled their game after him. The kid had a crew cut, bulging muscles, and an attitude to match. Looking back, when his dad said, "Every night I rub evaporated milk into his hamstrings." ---I think we all know what he was really doing. PED's. The Cream and the Clear. Balco, Conte. UFL. BOOM!

FP: You know who I should draft from that movie? Polk High starting full back #33...Al Bundy. Now that's a true american bad-ass. He scored 4 TD's in the city title game!

5) Lavar Arrington

Yeah I know Fatpickle probably has a softspot for Arrington (Cheers and Hail, blah blah blah) but guess what? So do I. Despite Arringtons low production in the NFL all indicators point to him being a stand up guy. If being "retired" from football has taught me anything, its that the itch to play comes in waves. Well, I hope such a whim comes to Arrington when the phone rings and I tell him he's been pretend-drafted to my fantasy team.

FP: Wrong, fatboy. No soft spot for Lavar. The only soft spots were in his game. Always a step away from making a big play. And if you want to ring his phone it's easy to do, just call 106.7 the fan. Yep, he's talking about football on the radio. Maybe he'd make a good play by play announcer for you. Now, Dexter Manley...

6) Dimitirus Underwood
A player who is past his prime, faded from the limelight, or enjoying a holiday in the penal system have all been prime picks in my draft. How about a player who has disappeared. Even the Associated Press is comfortable describing his career with mysterious wordplay "....after for years he resurfaced..." Where exactly was he? Who knows. But come this fall he may very well be in one of 7 unknown cities, co-oping players and profits, and holding games in sponsor clad stadiums and rundown warehouses. In other words, he'll be in the UFL. I hope.

FP: This is what we call a "sleeper" pick. This guy had tremendous potential, you just have to make sure he's taking his meds! When scouting football players you sometimes here the term "north/south." Like this guy runs fast north and south. Well...this refers to Underwood as well, unfortunately for you north/south = bi-polar.

7) Rob Lunn
FWG: A slow (fat) white guy with minimal talent, who caught every lucky break on his way to a career that will best be remembered for an internet blog than any on the field prowess. Oh and leadership, he was a good leader.

FP: This is what we call a "reach pick," because you're definately reaching here. I mean, were you worried somebody was going to draft you in round 8? I fully expected this tho...and I had plans to take you with my 11th pick. "Mr. Irrlevent" long snapper.

9 Jamal Reynolds
"The greatest defense end the world has ever seen, period" Well, not quite. The former first rounder did a short stint with Green Bay and then bounced around a bit before ultimately joining me in the unemployment line. So why draft him? 'Cause I like to think he still wants to make good on that statement. Call me an optimist. Or even paralyzingly sarcastic, but Jamal Reynolds deserves another shot---no major arrests or character issues unlike most of my draft picks, hes a lock at defensive end.

FP: He's right, I've never seen him, nor heard of him. And if he hasn't been arrested or beat up a hooker or something...then I have no material for him. He's useless to me.

10 Bob Sapp-
If his illustrious MMA Career or namesake has taught us anything, it is that more black men in the middle is a good thing. Currently unaffiliated, I'm taking Sapp in draft. Bonus points for his role in The Longest Yard, references to which, up until now I've painstakingly avoided. Guilty.

FP: If your gonna take someone from TLY, why not Romanowski? He had his own pharmacy, and broke the jaws of both opponents and teammates. I'm not sure Sapp has done that in the MMA.

11) Bryce Popp(Pop/Paup)

Who? Exactly. Try and Google him. Nothing. I'm really throwing this out there, someone (anyone) send me a link to information about Bryce (Brice?) Pop (Popp/Paup?). I remember the sports talk shows of Western New York (Yes, both of them) hailing him as a defensive savior for the Bills. Then...nothing. Even in the age of the internet He cannot be found. Not to sound arrogant, but that is the definition of obscure...even I'm on there. So, Yes. I choose you Bryce Popp, like my secret Pokemon.

FP: Well, the first thing I did was google myself, cuz I like to do that. How can you be a Bills fan and not know Bryce Paup. He had 17.5 sacks in 95' to go along with 89 tackles...impressive. 4 straight Pro Bowls from 94-97. He works for the Packers and coaches high school football in Green Bay.

Coach: Bob Knight
A man that knows nothing about football for a league that probably doesn't know much either. Recipe for success. No one loves winning, or knows how to win like Knight. And the seeming lack of organization or accountability in the UFL should really test his patience; now that's something fans can rally behind.

FP: 3 yards and a cloud of dust...the cloud of dust being the old bastard that is your coach. He's gonna ride your ass like Juan Valdez. "Lunn, if you'd spend as much time on the field as you do in front of a g damn computer you might become a football player. And tell LT to to wipe up and get out here. F'in panzies."

Part II Drops Tomorrow

The Six Degrees Of Fatpickled

Six Degrees of Fatpickled is a weekly rundown of 6 items that I have enjoyed. Make sure you check them out.

Cooley writes a post about all the things that a man enjoys about being a man. Going to Home Depot to buy power tools, check. Burning shit for fun, check. Drinking beers around your pool watching chicks in bikinis, check. Getting ticks on your sack? well yeah, check. And to you Chris, which pool party am I invited to? Demetric Evans is loaning me his speedo!

For those of you who follow my blog, I hope you have all checked out my link to The Fat White Guy. His real name is Rob Lunn and he's playing professional football overseas. Besides having his own site, Rob writes for about a 1,000 others including guests spots on Cooley and Deadspin. Truth is Rob is not fat, not bald, appears to be very smart, funny, and has a good looking girlfriend (what an asshole.) Anyway, the 2 posts that FWG wrote for Deadspin have been awesome. The Nigerian whore story had me thinking of the Farley clip at the bottom of this post.

The Redskins start a minicamp tomorrow, so today was class pictures. If you want the inside scoop of whats going on at Redskins Park, you need to follow The Official Washington Redskins Blog. And how about the picture of recently signed O-Tackle Mike Williams? He stands 6'6" and currently weighs 404lbs! He makes Samuels look like the Danny!

Everyday, Monday-Friday, I visit Sport's Illustrated Hot Clicks. It's part of the Extra Mustard section. I Love it! It's a daily collection of links to cool stories, blogs, videos, and hot chicks! The subjects vary from sports to pop culture, tv to music. Jimmy Traina is the mastermind behind it all. And he's a smart mf'er, because he linked Fatpickled on Wednesday!

Several stories to check out at Mr. Irrelevant's DMV. Boog Powell, Smoot Smack, and "The jewish Jordan."